most of you know that i was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (pcos) when i was 19 (that would be 10 years ago). i was given medications (ortho tricyclen and metformin) to help with my issues. once i started taking the ortho tricyclen i gained a good bit of weight, at least 50 pounds. during college i was not thinking about staying active. i was tired all the time and well, i made some bad choices. at graduation i was at my heaviest, somewhere around 250 pounds, if not more. i dropped some weight after college and before i got married, but i was still around 235-240 pounds. last summer when kevin and i moved to las vegas, i started eating right and going to the gym on a regular basis. by christmas i had lost 30 pounds! i was at 205!!! that was the smallest i had been in almost 10 years! well, for whatever reason (my lack of self control and will power) i gained 15 pounds back. i have been at 220-225 pounds for months now and i am currently going to the gym 5-6 days a week for 30 min. to an hour each day and trying to watch my calories. i am still very tired most of the time and am always craving things i shouldn't eat!
there is a point to this story, i promise! because of the pcos, my hormones are all out of whack. i have been in a downward spiral for years. my hormone imbalance causes weight gain, the weight gain causes my hormones to be even more imbalanced and so on. well, because of the hormone imbalance and the weight gain, my chances of having a baby have been lowered. it's not impossible, it's just not going to be easy. my doctor says that if i can get under 200 pounds my hormones should start to straighten themselves out and my changes for pregnancy will go up.
in less than one month i will be 29 years old. i had totally planned on having 2 kids by now. i know my plan isn't God's plan and i have to trust that He is control of the whole thing. but i just feel so strange, so many of my friends from high school already have 1 or 2 kids, and i have friends that are currently pregnant, and it just makes me sad. don't get me wrong, i am totally happy and excited for them, i guess i'm just a little jealous.
so... that's where i am right now. almost 29, 220 pounds, and wanting a baby. my goal is to lose the weight i need to lose and keep it off for a while before getting pregnant. it's such a struggle because i do love food so much. not to mention my lack of love for exercise.
i don't know, i guess i just needed to get that out in the open... to acknowledge what i need to do and face it.
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Sweet friend, I am praying for you and am so glad you were able to get it out! God has a PERFECT plan for you and He will see it through. I am super proud of how hard you've been working and will always be here if you need to get anything else out =) Love you!
ReplyDeleteAshley: I am praying for you in your desire to do what you need to do to get pregnant. You would be the best Mommy in the world! You are so sweet and loving not to mention FUN. Any child would be lucky to have you as their Mommy.
ReplyDeleteI too am 50 pounds over weight and understand your frustrations with losing weight. Somedays it seems to heavy a burden and I give up. Let's pray for each other to lose our weight!!
I'll certainly be praying for the Lord to help you to get pregnant soon.
Ashley, I truly feel what you are feeling! Weight is such a burden to all of us. I have some suggestions for you I will share with you when I see you next. I am thinking of you always and know that I love and care for you.
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