illness

so i have been sick the last few days. monday night i was running a fever of 101.7 and was totally freaking out thinking i had the h1n1 virus or something. turns out, in my opinion because i haven't been to the doctor, that it's just a severe case of bronchitis. the last time i was this sick was when i was a junior in high school and got bronchitis for the first time! what's crazy is that i'm currently not teaching and i didn't get this sick when i WAS in the classroom!! LOL!!

what's worse... kevin was sick before me... and is still way worse than i am. he has to go to work everyday so he's not able to stay home and rest (in my opinion he could take a day or two off, but he's afraid to take any time off because he doesn't want to lose his job... )

the hardest part is that we both act so differently when we're sick. i called my mom on tuesday because i was being a big baby about running a fever and feeling so bad and i just needed my mommy!!! i'm very needy when i'm sick. i want someone to let me put my head in their lap and comfort me.

kevin on the other hand wants to be left alone. i try to take care of him the best i can, but the best thing to do is to do what i can to make him comfy, get him medicine and stuff, and then leave him alone.

he has been super though. he knows how needy i am, and even though he has been way sicker than i have, he has tried to love on me and take care of me the best he can, considering he wants to be left alone.

i'm just ready for the weekend so he can have some time off and get some rest. i hate that he is so sick! :-(

gettin a little personal

most of you know that i was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (pcos) when i was 19 (that would be 10 years ago). i was given medications (ortho tricyclen and metformin) to help with my issues. once i started taking the ortho tricyclen i gained a good bit of weight, at least 50 pounds. during college i was not thinking about staying active. i was tired all the time and well, i made some bad choices. at graduation i was at my heaviest, somewhere around 250 pounds, if not more. i dropped some weight after college and before i got married, but i was still around 235-240 pounds. last summer when kevin and i moved to las vegas, i started eating right and going to the gym on a regular basis. by christmas i had lost 30 pounds! i was at 205!!! that was the smallest i had been in almost 10 years! well, for whatever reason (my lack of self control and will power) i gained 15 pounds back. i have been at 220-225 pounds for months now and i am currently going to the gym 5-6 days a week for 30 min. to an hour each day and trying to watch my calories. i am still very tired most of the time and am always craving things i shouldn't eat!

there is a point to this story, i promise! because of the pcos, my hormones are all out of whack. i have been in a downward spiral for years. my hormone imbalance causes weight gain, the weight gain causes my hormones to be even more imbalanced and so on. well, because of the hormone imbalance and the weight gain, my chances of having a baby have been lowered. it's not impossible, it's just not going to be easy. my doctor says that if i can get under 200 pounds my hormones should start to straighten themselves out and my changes for pregnancy will go up.

in less than one month i will be 29 years old. i had totally planned on having 2 kids by now. i know my plan isn't God's plan and i have to trust that He is control of the whole thing. but i just feel so strange, so many of my friends from high school already have 1 or 2 kids, and i have friends that are currently pregnant, and it just makes me sad. don't get me wrong, i am totally happy and excited for them, i guess i'm just a little jealous.

so... that's where i am right now. almost 29, 220 pounds, and wanting a baby. my goal is to lose the weight i need to lose and keep it off for a while before getting pregnant. it's such a struggle because i do love food so much. not to mention my lack of love for exercise.

i don't know, i guess i just needed to get that out in the open... to acknowledge what i need to do and face it.

if i only had a brain

ok, it's not that i haven't been cooking for the last month. i just haven't taken the time to take pictures of the things i've made. my brain just isn't working right! LOL! anyway, i'm sorry to all of my friends that enjoy reading my recipes. i promise to do better!

on another note, kevin and i have been trying some new restaurants here in las vegas and i'm thinking about "reviewing" them.

what do you guys think?